The following words were written in the 'Notes' app on my iPhone during my return flight to Perth from Karratha Airport Saturday 27th August 2015 between the hours of 9.30 and 11.40am. I was returning after painting murals for three weeks around the town centre.
No alteration or editing has taken place.
People often ask me "So what's with the animals in your art?"
Ever since I was a child I have been fascinated by creatures big and small.
As any little boy I loved getting in the garden to hunt for lizards and insects.
As i grew older so did my love for animals and the need to have them in my life grew stronger.
An interest in birds came in my early teens and I soon had an aviary full of my favourite finches. Thanks to the help of my Mr Builder father I was built an amazing enclosure where I could admire, feed and breed these amazing creatures.
My second love of art and the act of scribbling anything down on any surface possible became a massive part of my life around this time. My mother, an amazing craft person herself had always been a massive influence on my creativity and pushed me to start creating my own works.
Being surrounded by animals inspiration came easily and the wildlife I was exposed to began to take form on paper.
After a few years with finches I went on to breed various species of parrots and also took time in hand rearing a baby cockatiel from hatchling to adult.
Around this time and just before going into the workforce that is adulthood I volunteered at a local fauna rehabilitation centre caring for sick and injured wildlife. This was thoroughly enjoyable and very rewarding to play such an important role in the animals we share our environment with.
In my mid/late teens I entered the retail workforce as many my age regularly do. Although stimulating enough all I wanted was to draw.
I would work all day and try and be creative all night.
High School finished and I needed to find my place in the world.
Up until this point retail was all I knew and being a shy, anxious boy I stuck with what came easy.
I still wanted to have a go at looking like I knew what I wanted so I researched any possible TAFE course that had anything to do with art.
Graphic Design is what seemed like the perfect fit for me as at that time i believed the only job I saw fit where I could be totally myself would be a t-shirt designer.
After a few years in the design courses I realised I was going to be to live a computer based lifestyle and this didn't sit right with me. I need to use my hands on a canvas to create what I love not a keyboard.
I began looking into jobs where I could be creative and still work with my hands everyday. At this time in my late teens/early twenties I was beginning to notice tattoos which also came along with my other love of skateboarding.
I soon had a skateboard tattoo on my wrist and thoughts began to run through my head.
Tattooing........this could be it. I chatted with the tattooist and owner and a short time later I was presenting a portfolio of tattoo related imagery to hopefully secure a place as an apprentice.
Amazingly I got a position. I finally thought I had found what I was searching for. Eight months later and many machines cleaned I had expanded my drawing skills ten fold.
I learnt something new everyday and valued it all. The only issue was, the more I learnt, the more I questioned.
Did I want to create imagery for other people? Or, do I want to create imagery for myself?
After a few weeks of soul searching I made the decision to leave my apprenticeship. I went back to what came easy (and paid the bills) which was retail.
I became a manager and my confidence in dealing with people grew and my shyness reduced.
It was around this time that while still creating artwork everyday and beginning to be noticed that my head games began. I began to question whether I was happy or not. I began to wonder what makes me happy. I began to wonder whether I will ever make it to my ultimate goal of being a paid create person.
Art was all I wanted to do and all I ever thought about. I started dreading going into work because I knew I would have to wait ten hours before I could touch a pencil or brush.
Being quite a solitary person who keeps to himself both physically and in speech I kept my feelings inside and my happiness became a mask.
Sleep became difficult and the need to smile decreased. I used a paintbrush to let out what my mouth couldn't. I created colour where I had none.
Though my personal life had not changed and my state of mind fluctuated my artistic talent grew.
I began to create my own personal style which at the time was still influenced by tattoos and simple imagery.
The subject matter reflected how I felt.
Sharks, whales, elephants and birds. What do these animals have in common?
They can run away from their problems. They are to big, too fast, too intimidating to bother.
I imagined myself as an animal and began putting myself in my work.
On a Monday I could be a great white rising out of the depths of depression. Friday I was a humpback whale floating through the teal oceans of freedom.
After a year of positive and negative thoughts about life and money I took the plunge into having a go at being a full time artist.
I found myself a studio close to the city and became an art producing machine.
I now had rent to pay and only one way to pay it.
I put myself in this position so now I had to make it work.
This is what my life became.
-wake up
-spend an hour or two thinking about how I'm going to pay this weeks bills, eat, entertain and supply for my loved ones.
-arrive in studio with the aim of producing work to earn money.
-produce an artwork and hope that it sells quickly.
-sell work regularly and cheaply to ensure regular income.
-leave studio to put on a happy face for the world and aim to have six hours sleep.
This became my life for a year.....
A few exhibitions later and slowly people were recognising my work and buying quite regularly but I wasn't any richer.
My health was deteriorating with the lack of sleep and my terrible mental state. My relationship failed and I spiralled out of control.
A few months of alcohol fuelled medication and art and I had hit rock bottom.
I lost my license for drink driving and lost what little freedom I had.
While the art was still keeping a little money coming in I still had a massive battle to overcome.
Alcohol, sex and artwork was all my life had become. If I could think about these three things I had morning, midday, afternoon and night covered. The more I drank the more I could sleep. The more I slept the more I could paint. The more I could paint the happier I became.
This brings me to the stage of my new career path.
After creating art constantly for a year I noticed paintings began looking similar to those I had already created. This is not something that sat well with me and I began questioning whether I could come up with any new ideas that weren't already seen.
I felt like this was it....I had created all I could and I was no longer going to be able to do what was keeping me alive.
Once you hit rock bottom there is two options......
Life or death.
I was not strong enough to end it. The sad part was that the only reason I continued living was because I knew what it would of done to my family.
The love for my family is what pushed me to continue.
It sounds like bullshit but honestly my life turned around on a random morning after a good two hours sleep.
I began experimenting with new ideas yet the stories remained the same. I still wanted to create positive paintings with dark shadows.
I met an amazing woman whose positivity and love for the world grew on me. Her smile gave me a reason to smile.
Her laugh gave me a reason to laugh. Her strength gave me strength.
I finally began to see life in a new light. I had found someone who I could be completely honest with and someone worth living for.
She honestly changed my life.
Talking to her gave me the courage to let my family know my secret.
I was not well. I was struggling.
Amazingly as soon as I let it all out and began to get help with the aid of medication things began turning around.
The art came back in the form of a rebirth.
I was now creating new paintings that would both show the good and bad times but in a new light.
Emotions began to take form in new colours, shapes and patterns.
I found a new way to tell stories through my creatures of choice..... my creatures of happiness..... My creatures of freedom.
It's now been a few years and I am finally happy with my art, my health and especially with my head.
I am happy........
No alteration or editing has taken place.
People often ask me "So what's with the animals in your art?"
Ever since I was a child I have been fascinated by creatures big and small.
As any little boy I loved getting in the garden to hunt for lizards and insects.
As i grew older so did my love for animals and the need to have them in my life grew stronger.
An interest in birds came in my early teens and I soon had an aviary full of my favourite finches. Thanks to the help of my Mr Builder father I was built an amazing enclosure where I could admire, feed and breed these amazing creatures.
My second love of art and the act of scribbling anything down on any surface possible became a massive part of my life around this time. My mother, an amazing craft person herself had always been a massive influence on my creativity and pushed me to start creating my own works.
Being surrounded by animals inspiration came easily and the wildlife I was exposed to began to take form on paper.
After a few years with finches I went on to breed various species of parrots and also took time in hand rearing a baby cockatiel from hatchling to adult.
Around this time and just before going into the workforce that is adulthood I volunteered at a local fauna rehabilitation centre caring for sick and injured wildlife. This was thoroughly enjoyable and very rewarding to play such an important role in the animals we share our environment with.
In my mid/late teens I entered the retail workforce as many my age regularly do. Although stimulating enough all I wanted was to draw.
I would work all day and try and be creative all night.
High School finished and I needed to find my place in the world.
Up until this point retail was all I knew and being a shy, anxious boy I stuck with what came easy.
I still wanted to have a go at looking like I knew what I wanted so I researched any possible TAFE course that had anything to do with art.
Graphic Design is what seemed like the perfect fit for me as at that time i believed the only job I saw fit where I could be totally myself would be a t-shirt designer.
After a few years in the design courses I realised I was going to be to live a computer based lifestyle and this didn't sit right with me. I need to use my hands on a canvas to create what I love not a keyboard.
I began looking into jobs where I could be creative and still work with my hands everyday. At this time in my late teens/early twenties I was beginning to notice tattoos which also came along with my other love of skateboarding.
I soon had a skateboard tattoo on my wrist and thoughts began to run through my head.
Tattooing........this could be it. I chatted with the tattooist and owner and a short time later I was presenting a portfolio of tattoo related imagery to hopefully secure a place as an apprentice.
Amazingly I got a position. I finally thought I had found what I was searching for. Eight months later and many machines cleaned I had expanded my drawing skills ten fold.
I learnt something new everyday and valued it all. The only issue was, the more I learnt, the more I questioned.
Did I want to create imagery for other people? Or, do I want to create imagery for myself?
After a few weeks of soul searching I made the decision to leave my apprenticeship. I went back to what came easy (and paid the bills) which was retail.
I became a manager and my confidence in dealing with people grew and my shyness reduced.
It was around this time that while still creating artwork everyday and beginning to be noticed that my head games began. I began to question whether I was happy or not. I began to wonder what makes me happy. I began to wonder whether I will ever make it to my ultimate goal of being a paid create person.
Art was all I wanted to do and all I ever thought about. I started dreading going into work because I knew I would have to wait ten hours before I could touch a pencil or brush.
Being quite a solitary person who keeps to himself both physically and in speech I kept my feelings inside and my happiness became a mask.
Sleep became difficult and the need to smile decreased. I used a paintbrush to let out what my mouth couldn't. I created colour where I had none.
Though my personal life had not changed and my state of mind fluctuated my artistic talent grew.
I began to create my own personal style which at the time was still influenced by tattoos and simple imagery.
The subject matter reflected how I felt.
Sharks, whales, elephants and birds. What do these animals have in common?
They can run away from their problems. They are to big, too fast, too intimidating to bother.
I imagined myself as an animal and began putting myself in my work.
On a Monday I could be a great white rising out of the depths of depression. Friday I was a humpback whale floating through the teal oceans of freedom.
After a year of positive and negative thoughts about life and money I took the plunge into having a go at being a full time artist.
I found myself a studio close to the city and became an art producing machine.
I now had rent to pay and only one way to pay it.
I put myself in this position so now I had to make it work.
This is what my life became.
-wake up
-spend an hour or two thinking about how I'm going to pay this weeks bills, eat, entertain and supply for my loved ones.
-arrive in studio with the aim of producing work to earn money.
-produce an artwork and hope that it sells quickly.
-sell work regularly and cheaply to ensure regular income.
-leave studio to put on a happy face for the world and aim to have six hours sleep.
This became my life for a year.....
A few exhibitions later and slowly people were recognising my work and buying quite regularly but I wasn't any richer.
My health was deteriorating with the lack of sleep and my terrible mental state. My relationship failed and I spiralled out of control.
A few months of alcohol fuelled medication and art and I had hit rock bottom.
I lost my license for drink driving and lost what little freedom I had.
While the art was still keeping a little money coming in I still had a massive battle to overcome.
Alcohol, sex and artwork was all my life had become. If I could think about these three things I had morning, midday, afternoon and night covered. The more I drank the more I could sleep. The more I slept the more I could paint. The more I could paint the happier I became.
This brings me to the stage of my new career path.
After creating art constantly for a year I noticed paintings began looking similar to those I had already created. This is not something that sat well with me and I began questioning whether I could come up with any new ideas that weren't already seen.
I felt like this was it....I had created all I could and I was no longer going to be able to do what was keeping me alive.
Once you hit rock bottom there is two options......
Life or death.
I was not strong enough to end it. The sad part was that the only reason I continued living was because I knew what it would of done to my family.
The love for my family is what pushed me to continue.
It sounds like bullshit but honestly my life turned around on a random morning after a good two hours sleep.
I began experimenting with new ideas yet the stories remained the same. I still wanted to create positive paintings with dark shadows.
I met an amazing woman whose positivity and love for the world grew on me. Her smile gave me a reason to smile.
Her laugh gave me a reason to laugh. Her strength gave me strength.
I finally began to see life in a new light. I had found someone who I could be completely honest with and someone worth living for.
She honestly changed my life.
Talking to her gave me the courage to let my family know my secret.
I was not well. I was struggling.
Amazingly as soon as I let it all out and began to get help with the aid of medication things began turning around.
The art came back in the form of a rebirth.
I was now creating new paintings that would both show the good and bad times but in a new light.
Emotions began to take form in new colours, shapes and patterns.
I found a new way to tell stories through my creatures of choice..... my creatures of happiness..... My creatures of freedom.
It's now been a few years and I am finally happy with my art, my health and especially with my head.
I am happy........